What's In an Ad?

In my time at Diamond Select Toys, I was lucky to work with a very talented designer, Steve Rowan, who always captured my design notes perfectly, and was a great guy. Here are a few of the ads we worked on over the years, many of which were designed for the Previews catalog, but then were resized for comic books, specifically Archie comics.   

This first one I think did a great job showcasing the different Transformers factions within each set of Minimates block figures. Three series were out at the time, and I think Steve made it very colorful and eye-catching while keeping clear who was in each set. 

The Cobra Kai action figures were a great line, and we were lucky to have some great photography to work with from master photographer Peter Minges. This one is fairly straightforward, but president Chuck T. was always a fan of cross-selling the older figures, especially when we had them in stock. I think they create a nice "co-starring" element, and Steve's layout has real movie-poster vibes. 

Asking Steve to showcase the four main Turtles in this TMNT ad while showing that each came in a different set was a challenging request, but Steve delivered, creating a pretty unique ad, I think. I love Minimates, and squeezing 15 of them into one ad was a recipe for disaster, but I think it came out neat and organized and does a great job of selling the product.

I worked with a different designer on Ironguard Supplies ads, Brian Desautel of Infernal Machinery, and together we went with a more story-driven ad style, with a text block that talks about the product in a fun way. I don't think "Zombie Proof" was mine, but I'm pretty sure "Shields Up" was -- we must have brainstormed over 100 short catchphrases to use in ads like these, not to mention packaging. 

This is just a fraction of the ads I worked on over 14 years. Thanks to my design partners for helping create them!

The Art of Zach: Wild Toys

 

Back when I worked at ToyFare Magazine, shooting toys was my job. I took pictures of toys well into the night, for the Twisted ToyFare Theatre comic strip and sometimes for visual price guides, where we would document every toy (or character) in a toy line. It was fun, but it was also work. 

When I started working at Diamond Select Toys, I shot toys out of necessity -- we had a photographer who took pics of prototypes on white backgrounds, but prototypes usually can't do much, and I wanted to show off what each toy could do. So I took samples out in the street, made them walk around, switched out their accessories, and posted the pics on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. 

I still work for DST, but we've since hired people to run the social media accounts, and even a second photographer to take pictures of toys. So for the first time, I don't really HAVE to take pictures of toys. But now I WANT to. So I shoot for myself, posting on my Instagram account, and posting behind-the-scenes videos on YouTube and TikTok. 

But I'm a book guy. I WAS a magazine guy, and I still like magazines, but I REALLY like books. So I made a book. You can still see all of my pics on Instagram, but if you want to own them and possess them, like Gollum, you can buy the book. It's called "Wild Toys," and it is the first in what I hope will be a series. Enjoy! 

The Greatest Hats of All Nerd-Kind

I was searching my e-mail for something and came across this story from the old ToplessRobot.com comedy and news blog. I don’t know if any of that is still discoverable online, so I thought I’d share it here, since I’m pretty proud of it. It was probably a Top Ten at one point, but I’ve only found seven of them, so here go the Top Seven Hats of Geekdom! (References may be dated.)

7. Jayne's Knit Cap, Firefly TV show

Firefly fans are a dedicated lot, and with a limited number of episodes, ships, collectibles and actor autographs to obsess over, every frame of the show's fourteen episodes and one movie gets equal scrutiny. So while some "Brown Coats" choose to wear the article of clothing that gave the fandom its name, and others sport any number of T-shirts with the show's omnipresent Chinese advertisements on them, when it comes to headgear, there is only one choice: Jayne's hat. Sent to Firefly's resident bad-ass (well, one of its several resident bad-asses) by his mother, the original hat was red, orange and yellow, but really, any knit hat will do, as long as it has earflaps, a pom-pom on top and negates any sense of cool you might be attempting to project. It only appeared for one episode, but that's 5% of the show, which practically makes it a cast member. 

6. Indiana Jones's Fedora, Indiana Jones movies

The true measure of a hat's fame is what length the hat's owner would go to in order to retain ownership of said hat. And there is no hat so treasured as the hat of archaeologist Indiana Jones, by either its fictional owner or the legions of fans who now possess one. Given to a young Indy by a fortune hunter he crossed paths with, Dr. Jones has risked life and limb to keep it in his possession, whether it's retrieving it from behind a rapidly closing stone door or snatching it from the hands of a franchise-hungry Shia LaBeouf. Not that it falls off very often -- it usually stays on through extended action sequences, only leaving Indy's head when he is placed under a blood trance, or impaled by spikes. Plus, whenever he puts it on, it plays his theme music.

5. Dum-Dum Dugan's Derby, Marvel Comics

For a 100-year-old who fought in World War II, Dum Dum Dugan is pretty spry. He still works for SHIELD, he still has a luxuriant red mustache and he still rocks a derby like it's nobody's business. True, nobody seems to be able to explain why he's still walking around unassisted, but I'm going to chalk it up to the hat. Assuming that's the same hat he wore back in the Big One, that sucker is bulletproof, and back in the 1940s "bulletproof" meant "lined with solid steel." So in addition to being a circus strongman before he signed up to fight the Nazis, he's been walking around with a heavy-ass hat on his head for 70 years. Not only would that strengthen his neck muscles to a ridiculous degree, if he ever took it off he could probably jump over the sun.

4. The Eleventh Doctor's Fez, Doctor Who TV show

"I wear fezzes now. Fezzes are cool." With those words, spoken by the Eleventh Doctor (played by Matt Smith) in "The Big Bang," fezzes rocketed to the top of the "Most Popular Doctor Who Headgear" list, obliterating the previous top entry, the Fourth Doctor's floppy hat, which, to be fair, was already overshadowed by that Doctor's enormous scarf and/or hair. Since then, the fez has returned or been referenced several times, and while it was temporarily succeeded by a Stetson in one episode, the version of the Doctor who wore said Stetson was promptly shot. DO NOT MEZ WITH THE FEZ. IT WILL END BADLY FOR YOU.

3. Zatanna's Top Hat, DC Comics

The DC Comics sorceress Zatanna is by no means the first magic-user to wear a top hat. Hell, Mandrake the Magician was rocking the top hat back in the 1930s, and he still owned that look 50 years later, as a member of the Defenders of the Earth. But there is nothing quite like a beautiful, scantily clad woman in a top hat -- the top hat lets you know you're in for a classy affair, even if the invitation failed to mention pants. Granted, the Gentleman Ghost has been wearing one for much longer -- and more consistently -- but G.G. was also never in the Justice League. Plus, whoever decided to ditch the hat and switch Zatanna over to more standard superhero garb in the late 1970s should be brought to the present day in a time machine, fired, and sent back again. 

2.      2. Finn’s Cowl, Adventure Time TV Show

      If you haven't watched the ridiculously fun cartoon Adventure Time, you really should. It's like a more surreal and ridiculous "Mr. Peabody and Sherman," and it has singlehandedly revived the animal-ear hat. For a while, anime seemed to be doing a pretty good job of popularizing them on its own, but if you attended San Diego Comic-Con this year, you saw thousands of people wearing them, and parades of people walking up and down the streets in them, and they were all Adventure Time hats. Granted, that's because the Cartoon Network was handing them out for free, but just because something's free doesn't mean you're automatically going to wear it. You wear it because it's awesome.

1.      1. The Sorting Hat, Harry Potter books and movies

      Of all the hats on this list, the Sorting Hat is the only one who talks, and the only one of them who could be described as having a job other than "dome protection." The Sorting Hat is the Head Sorter of Children at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, which is kind of like a guidance counselor, since it sends students down the paths that will shape them into the noble or evil adults they'll become. He's also the staff weaponer, storing bladed weapons within himself and distributing them to the children as needed. Is it any wonder he's the most popular talking hat in children's literature?

The Art of Zach: Drawing Crime in a Future TIme

Toy design has always been a dream of mine, and as I explore more in that direction, I thought I'd dig out some of my old designs for, you guessed it, C.O.P.S. N' Crooks! The 1988 Hasbro toy line was a favorite of mine -- although much later in life, I never owned any in the 1980s. But as an adult it became a favorite, and I probably enjoyed how obscure and fanboyish it was to like it. No more, as Fresh Monkey Fiction has announced a remake of the toy line, and prices on the old figures have gone through the roof. (When I first collected the ENTIRE SERIES, they were fairly affordable on-card, and I opened them all.)

Here are my designs for a re-make, which I actually sent to Hasbro back in the day. 

The Art of Zach: Tales from the LAW Blog

I love to draw, and while my current job doesn't call for it, I try to do it whenever I get the opportunity. A while back, my fellow ex-Wizardites and I (a.k.a. the LAW) started to post our artwork of comic and cartoon characters to the LAW blog, which lasted for a while before it fell into disuse. Just so I have them all in one place, here are my contributions, in one blog post. Ignore the quick Photoshop color jobs, but I'm pretty happy with most of these pieces, and incredibly proud of a few. 

GEIST
I wanted to do an homage for my piece, and the minute I started to think about famous comic covers to emulate, Silver Surfer #4 popped into my head, with Thor fighting the Surfer. Mostly because it's so damn famous, but also because it had a flying character fighting a standing character, which worked for Geist and his opponent, whoever he was going to be. I almost made it Turbine, but then I decided to go with Brutal, since he's bulky like Thor and he has a bad history with Geist.

This is the first thing I've drawn in a looong time. You can check out all my old comic strips at my old Angelfire site, and of course, you can buy Justin Aclin's Hero House on Amazon.

DESTRUCTOR

When I first read Sean's "Destructor Comes to Croc Town," I was blown away. I had to read it twice to make sure I hadn't missed something, some clue to the enigma that was Destructor, but I hadn't. Destructor was simply a metal can of awesome, and he kicked crocodile-man ass. I was going to do an Iron Man tribute cover, having been inspired by Ben Morse's ode to Tales of Suspense, but in the end I just had to do the comic's great, mostly wordless story justice, and show Destructor locked in mortal combat with a massive Croc-Man.





This is the moment when his arm is torn off, and the Croc-Man has yet to learn that that was not necessarily the best move to make. Not only does Destructor now have a five-fingered wingman, he's got a blunt instrument to swing. The scene as drawn by Matt Wiegle is awesome, which is why I tried to computer-color it, in an attempt to do more than lamely imitate Wiegle's amazing art. Eh. Not my forte. Here it is anyway.





Read "Destructor in: Prison Break," then buy both Destructor adventures in Murder.

ORKO

This week we'll be expanding the scope of the LAW Blog to include characters NOT created by LAW members. The first lucky winner? Fricking Orko from Masters of the Universe. Don't ask me how he won -- it's a long story that involves bourbon, a nostalgic YouTube video and no small amount of emotional blackmail. And while I respect Orko as a person, I hate the way that he looks. Looking at him and hating him, I decided to see what I could do to make him cooler. This was the result.

First, I decided that Orko needed legs, because only losers hover. And since he was going to get tired walking around, I gave him a horse. Specifically, I gave him He-Man's robot horse, Stridor. And I gave him Castle Grayskull to live in, too. Basically, I gave Orko He-Man's entire TV show, because if Orko had legs, a horse and a cool castle, he'd be much, much cooler than a half-naked barbarian. And for the first time, I think my sketch looks better in color!

Call him Vampire Hunter O. Hopefully, other bloggers will draw Orko the way he really looks, because my sketch really isn't the best way to kick off Orko week. I'd say buy a Orko comic, but I'd rather you bought Hero House.

BATMAN

As a fan of DC's Elseworlds stories (as well as the Legends of the Dark Knight toy line by Kenner), I could draw Batman in different historical outfits all day. Unfortunately, I'm not that good an artist, so Braveheart Batman and Black Knight Batman aren't really options. But after catching an advance screening of "The Runaways," I started thinking about the 1970s glam rock/punk rock movement, and after briefly debating if it made any logical sense for Batman to do anything in the '70s other than be Batman, I kinda sorta made him the frontman for the Stooges.



I don't know what the other Stooges look like, but I gave Batman Iggy Pop's chiseled abs and skinny jeans. Of course, I instantly regretted not making Batman David Bowie, since then I would at least have an easy pun. ("A Bat Insane," "The Thin White Bruce," etc.) The name "Iggy Pop" doesn't lend itself to Batman-related puns, although I suppose you could call the band "Iggy and the Bruces." And of course he would perform such hits as "I Wanna Be Your Unofficially Sanctioned Vigilante," "Search and Place in Arkham Asylum" and "Lust for Street-Level Justice." Here's a colored version.



Check out the amazing covers for Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne at DC's The Source.

CAPTAIN CAVEMAN

I don't know if Captain Caveman was designed first or named first, or if he was the result of some sort of decades-long Hanna-Barbera R&D project, but he is ridiculous. Is that a massive beard, or is his body furry and peanut-shaped? I'm sure this was explained in the cartoon, along with where his powers come from, but it has literally been decades since I saw one. So I drew him as one of my favorite superheroes, Captain America, and I dressed his son like Bucky in the background.

It's sad that one of the most iconic images of Captain America I can think of is Ultimate Cap pointing at the "A" on his forehead and saying "Do you think this stands for 'France'?" Damn you, Mark Millar. Anyway, I wasn't gonna color it, but I had a few free moments while watching "Jason and the Argonauts." So here you go.

BOYS CLUB

First of all, I need to thank Sean T. Collins. Not only did he create Destructor, he's introduced me to literally dozens of indie comics I would never have known about otherwise. So when he chose Boys Club by Matt Furie to be the next subject on the LAW blog, I looked it up and was blown away. Four guys (A frog, a... wolfman? A... bear? Some other thing?) just hanging around, eating, drinking, doing drugs, being naked, spouting catchphrases and vomiting. Funniest shit ever. I was particuarly intrigued by the wolfman-looking character, Landwolf, whose appearance I can only assume is inspired by Teen Wolf. In homage to the T-Wolf, I drew the following:

It's Landwolf in Teen Wolf's basketball uniform, about to dunk over the heads of his friends Andy, Brett and Pepe. I have no idea which is which. Hope you all like it.

GHOSTBUSTERS

Things have slowed down on this blog a bit, but we keep picking new characters to draw, and the next characters chosen were the Ghostbusters, so I figured what the Hell. I wanted to show them busting somebody, and thought it would be fun to put a famous ghost in the trap, rather than some generic ghoulie. I suppose I could have put Deadman in there, or Starscream, but I just couldn't resist the pun potential in choosing Poltergeist from Justin Aclin's comic Hero House.

Again, this is one where I gave up 75% of the way through because I thought I'd bitten off more than I could chew, but ended up going back in after getting inspired (this time by Alex K.'s animation on the new Marvel What The....?! and Sean T. Collins' new comic). I even got fancy with my computer coloring, throwing a Mike Dimayuga panel into the picture frame and using some glowy filters on Egon's stream and the ghost trap. We lose Egon and Ray's ankles, but we're all better off, to be honest. As much as I love coloring, I may try to do an actually good black-and-white sketch next time, rather than going for the finished look. 

Check out a 50-page preview of Hero House here, then order it from Amazon. Then order MY book, Pop Sculpture, from Barnes & Noble!

THE WARRIORS

Following Rickey Purdin's amazing entries on this blog is a thankless job, but he always inspires me to draw better, so I revisited my Warriors sketch, which I had given up earlier, thinking it was too ambitious for my skills, and managed to tighten it up a bit and finish it.

I'm not saying it's the best drawing of any of the Warriors -- Ajax, Swan and Rembrandt are okay, I guess, but Cochise comes off looking like a woman -- I'm just happy to have finished it, and to have figured out how to do a crazy gradient background on the colored version.

The 1980s are Alive and Well on the Toy Auction Block

The 1980s! The decade where we got a glimpse of the future, and were amazed by its visions of flying cars, transforming trucks, and robots made of jungle animals. And while much is made of the music of the 1980s, it’s the toys of that era that have truly withstood the test of time. Hake’s Auctions has a variety of 1980s toys on the auction block this month, and they inspire dizzying levels of nostalgia, both for those who lived through it and those who wish they did. Check out some of the top items:

Hake's - MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE (1986) - ETERNIA SERIES 5 PLAYSET AFA 70 EX+.

Ah, Eternia – home of Snake Mountain, Castle Grayskull and a little-used monorail system that connects all three. Seriously, why did He-Man never take the monorail? It would have saved a lot of gas for the Air Raider and Sky Sled. Anyway, the Eternia playset featured the Battle Tram, Sky Cage and Jet Pack Fighter, and all seem like perfectly acceptable, all-electric forms of transportation. This massive box was marked down to $70 in 1986, but you’ll pay a little more for it today. Starting Bid: $5,000

Hake's - TRANSFORMERS (1985) SERIES 1 - OPTIMUS PRIME AFA 85 NM+ (HASBRO/IGA MEXICAN RELEASE).

Mas de lo que ves! That means “More than Meets the Eye” in Spanish, more or less, and that’s what it says on the box of this Mexican release of Optimus Prime. Much more rare than the US release, this version replaces the Tech Specs chart on his filecard with a full Spanish biography, just one of the many little touches that makes this a collector’s must-have. Current Bid: $2,000

Hake's - VOLTRON - DEFENDER OF THE UNIVERSE (1984) - PANOSH PLACE GIFT SET AFA 75 EX+/NM (WINDOW BOX).

Sure, you can gift someone a PART of Voltron, but then you need to know what lions they have, or which color is their favorite, or what body part they prefer to play with. Better to just gift them the full robot, with all five lions and a bevy of weapons. This gift set from 1984 is any kid’s (or adult’s) dream. Opening Bid: $1,000

Hake's - TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES (1988) - TURTLE BLIMP SERIES 1 VEHICLE AFA 85 NM+ (VIDEO GAME NOTICE).

You’ve gotta love the attitude rolling off the box for the Turtle Blimp by Playmates: “Blueprints included for easy-to-follow assembly. If you’re a know-it-all, chuck ‘em!” “Collect all the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle accessories… or else!” “We’re four wild and crazy guys!” Okay, that last one was likely cribbed straight from 1970s SNL episodes, but overall we’d say the copywriter deserves a raise for making a blimp sound like a fun time. To seal the deal, it comes with a joke book. Opening Bid: $1,000

Hake's - THE REAL GHOSTBUSTERS (1986) - FIRE STATION HEADQUARTERS SERIES 1 PLAYSET UKG 75%Q.

With the firehouse making a new appearance in the latest Ghostbusters film, demand is sure to double for the original 1986 Firehouse action playset by Kenner. The only downside to owning this graded, 75% rated (opened but not played with) boxed set is that you can’t play with the working firepole, ghost trap, containment unit and Goop Grates. Sure you can see them all on the box, but that’s gotta be torture. Starting Bid: $1,000

Hake's - M.A.S.K. (1985) - THUNDER HAWK SERIES 1 AFA 85 NM+ (SECOND RELEASE, LONG MASK).

While every MASK vehicle had its own appeal – the pickup, the semi, the motorcycle that turned into a helicopter – the most iconic was definitely the Thunder Hawk, a Camaro that turned into fighter jet. (Okay, “jet” is generous, it was really just a flying Camaro.) While this 1986 release spells out “Camaro” on the box for the first time, it also features some other minor differences from the 1985 release, not that anyone will be looking closely enough to care – they’ll be too busy admiring the picture of the flying Camaro. Starting Bid: $1,000

Hake's - G.I. JOE WEAPON TRANSPORT PROTOTYPE VEHICLE.

When was the last time you saw a prototype GI Joe vehicle? This all-grey model of the Weapon Transport is made of plastic and styrene, with part numbers labeled in marker. Sure, it’s missing a tire and has a few cracks in it, but this is a piece of history, a behind-the-scenes piece of an iconic American toy line. It’s your patriotic duty to place a bid, assuming you’re an American. If not, it’s still pretty darn cool. Starting Bid: $1,000

HONORABLE 1970s MENTION:

Hake's - MEGO WORLD'S GREATEST SUPERHEROES (1976) - AQUAMAN CARDED FIGURE AFA 75 EX+/NM.

The Mego Corporation is back, churning out pop-culture icons in the 8-inch scale on a regular basis, but they only recently regained the DC license at that scale, which they did so well with in the 1970s. This 1976 Aquaman is mint on card, with a clear blister and crisp green pants, and is one of only four examples graded by the AFA. Starting Bid: $2,000

HONORABLE 1960s MENTION:

Hake's - GILBERT JAMES BOND 007 THUNDERBALL ACTION FIGURE IN BOX.

While G.I. Joe was the first action figure, James Bond was hot on his trail! This 1965 Gilbert figure of James Bond as he appeared in Thunderball includes the likeness of Sean Connery, as well as a mask, snorkel and swim fins. Once you buy it, you have the right to remove the snorkel from the front of his pants, thereby avoiding awkward conversations. Starting Bid: $200

 

 

 

 

10 Greatest Films of ALL TIME NO SERIOUSLY

I promise you, I am NOT a film snob. Sure, I went to a school known for its film program, with a great film series, and I took several film classes, where I was shown some of the greatest movies from around the world. AND I later worked at a TV and movie website, where I was a film critic, telling people which films they should see and why. BUT the fact is that I am just a film lover, even more than a TV lover or a book lover. My tastes are pretty broad, but my first love will always be genre films: sci-fi and fantasy (not horror, usually), which is why my Top Ten includes a lot of those. Also, most are post-1985 -- I certainly enjoy "classics," like the Marx Brothers, Hitchcock, etc., but generally prefer newer films. This is in no particular order, and many are simply my favorites in a great director's entire body of work. So let's go! WARNING: You will most assuredly disagree.

Ferris Bueller's Day Off

While I don't love EVERY John Hughes movie, I like a lot of them, and Ferris Bueller is the best of the best. I probably saw it too young, and wore it out on VHS. I envied Ferris' popularity and cute girlfriend, but identified more with Cameron Frye, the constantly put-upon best friend and second banana. Jennifer Grey's sister character reminded me of my own older sister, who was occasionally mad about me getting preferential treatment. The use of music, including the BOW-BOW song (which I will not look up the name of), the Star Wars theme, and of course "Danke Schoen/Twist and Shout" were genius, and the constant viewer-directed words of wisdom from Ferris were ones to live by. Plus, the city of Chicago is shown in great detail, making for a fun-filled visit if one were to re-enact the events of the movie's single day. 

The Avengers

I was a Marvel Comics fan growing up, and while I never really liked any of the media that it spawned (the FF movies, Tobey Maguire as Spider-Man, X-Men: The Animated Series), from the moment I heard they'd cast Robert Downey Jr. as Iron Man, I was intrigued. Then they delivered. Iron Man was great. Captain America was great. Thor was okay. And Avengers... was awesome. Seeing the characters interact, showing their personalities when confronted with people on their level, was handled amazingly. Iron Man arriving on the scene playing AC/DC, Hawkeye (my new most favoritest character) shooting down a ship without looking, Black Widow taking out three Russians while tied to a chair, Hulk saying "I'm always angry" -- even Tony Stark saying "That man is playing Galaga" made me laugh. After that, the films kept going and going, each one a great watch (up to a point), and I could do a Top Ten of just Marvel movies, but Avengers 1 is still the gold standard. 

Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World

Very few movies I consider masterpieces. Most of the movies made by Edgar Wright are close. In another world, Hot Fuzz or Shaun of the Dead would be on this list. But the larger-than-life superheroics, extensive use of graphics and effects and the comedic performances by Michael Cera and the rest of the amazing cast make Scott Pilgrim a masterpiece. Chris Evans' self-centered actor character, Brandon Routh's hunky vegan, Kieran Culkin's flirty roommate, Alison Pill's sullen drummer, Alison Brie's femme fatale, Aubrey Plaza's judgmental sister, Jason Schwartzman's final boss... it's a hell of a cast. Plus Mary Elizabeth Winstead! And the random appearance by Thomas Jane as one of the Vegan Police is the icing on the cake. Full disclosure: I could not get into the comic (the art bothers me) and I do not play video games (luckily most of the video game jokes are pretty straightforward). So this movie succeeds IN SPITE OF MY IGNORANCE. I love it.

Watchmen

Adapting one of the greatest comics of all time -- not a tall order, right? And Zack Snyder is a director who certainly divides the population. AND YET! This movie takes a comic with tons of tiny little boxes (sometimes nine per page) and stretches them out in slow-mo to make every character look awesomely badass. Sure, the movie COULD have depicted all of the superheroes as pathetic fetishists, and maybe they still are, but as you see in the comics, they can still kick ass when it's called for, and this movie is full of ass-kicking. Add in top-notch special effects, including a character that glows constantly, a mask that shifts patterns constantly and a flying ship that looks like an owl, and you've got what may be a masterpiece. Sure, they changed the ending, but I'll be totally honest, the ending to the comic would be totally unbelievable outside of, well, comics. I have no problem with it. 

The Royal Tenenbaums

Wes Anderson is another director who produces masterpieces. Every tiny detail adds to the overall feeling that each movie is completely and utterly perfect. But some movies are more perfect than others, and Royal Tenenbaums is one of them. The cast is unbelievable, the costuming is quirky, the music is, as always, sublime -- Ramones, Velvet Underground, Rolling Stones... Little dialogue snippets have made their way into my daily use: "I see you, asshole!" "Wildcat was written in a kind of obsolete vernacular." "That cab has a dent in it." And did I mention the cast? Gwyneth Paltrow, Bill Murray, Ben Stiller, Luke Wilson, Danny Glover, Angelica Huston, Owen Wilson, all playing very sad, broken characters. And yet the use of regular flashbacks to their upbringing and traumas manages to be hilarious anyway. 

Pee-Wee's Big Adventure

Tim Burton has a style unlike any other. His Batman films, Edward Scissorhands, Beetlejuice... all are visual tour de forces, largely set in artificial worlds that transport you out of the real one. But Pee-Wee Herman, who lived in an artificial world on TV, is forced into the real world when his bike is stolen, and it's his childlike sense of humor paired with the people and locations he visits that makes it such a magical movie. Infinitely quotable, and yet with very few big-name actors in it, this is the perfect film that the sequel could not live up to. Plus, the distinctive soundtrack by the inimitable Danny Elfman is so rich that it could support an entirely silent version of the movie and it would be just as good. 

Tron: Legacy

I will admit that, beyond the visuals, I am not a fan of the original Tron movie. It's very slow and pretty dated. So this update is well-deserved. And what an update! Mind-blowing effects, Jeff Bridges, Olivia Wilde, Michael Sheen and another Jeff Bridges deliver, and even the new kid does pretty well. Plus, the soundtrack is by one of my favorite musical acts, Daft Punk! (Airhorn sound.) But seriously, the way they update the disc battles, the lightcycle battles, the costumes, everything makes this movie bigger than life. Seeing a critics' preview on an IMAX screen certainly helped, but even on a TV, it's a peek inside another world that deserves and is apparently going to get a sequel.

The Iron Giant

I almost cut this movie to put it on an animated movie Top Ten, but then I decided to leave it on this one, because it's just that good. The heartwarming story of a boy and his giant fricking robot could have been saccharine and cloying, but it has just enough edge to keep it in a world where adults can enjoy it. The lovable, childlike innocence of the giant makes him appealing, with just enough underlying menace to keep you on your toes, much like the background discussion of a potential nuclear war with Russia. Hogarth Hughes, his beatnik friend, his worried mom, the government agent who tracks him down, all are great characters, and the voice acting by Jennifer Aniston, Harry Connick Jr., Chris McDonald, Vin Diesel, John Mahoney, and M. Emmet Walsh make them believable. And the ending made me cry. There, I said it.

Gentlemen Broncos

Jared and Jerusha Hess made Napoleon Dynamite, and some would leave their contributions to cinema there, but they followed it up with a brilliant, hilarious movie that does not get enough recognition. Jemaine Clement is perfectly cast as the pretentious sci-fi author, who steals the story of a teenager and passes it off as his own, and Sam Rockwell is amazing as the character in that story -- in two different versions of the same story, no less. Plus Jennifer Coolidge is endearing as the enterprising mom. The low-budget effects and blatant homage to Krull give the movie more sci-fi/fantasy cred than it needs, and the directors' trademark awkward encounters, unusual set details and plain weird supporting characters are on full display.

Joe Vs. The Volcano

Yes, yes, Tom Hanks is a great actor. We all know this, but he doesn't get enough credit for his early comedic work, with most people preferring to worship him post-Philadelphia. Big is a great film, as are Volunteers and Turner and Hooch, but Joe vs. the Volcano is the best of them. HIs transition from working-class (albeit white collar) sad sack to international man of adventure is suitably epic, plus this is the first of his three pairings with Meg Ryan, who plays THREE ROLES in this movie. With a supporting cast of Lloyd Bridges, Dan Hedaya, Robert Stack and Abe Vigoda, this fanciful world is fleshed out impressively, and the running gag about his indestructible luggage never fails to delight.

OH, AND ALSO: O Brother Where Art Thou?

To not include a film by the Coen Brothers would be sacrilege, and while many would choose Raising Arizona, which is indeed amazing, I choose OBWAT? for its amazing cast (Clooney, Turturro and Nelson!), fantastic dialogue and amazing re-creation of 1930s America. Sure, it's based on Homer's Odyssey, but not having read that I can enjoy the story elements for what they are -- falling prey to the seductive sirens, fighting John Goodman's cyclops, getting kicked out of Woolworth... And it is endlessly quotable! I will not quote it now, because you should really watch it and hear the quotes yourself. 

That's it! Hope you enjoyed it, or at least came away from it with some other movies to try out. What are your Top Ten? Comment below!

Back in Time: 1999

 

In 1999, I was a senior in college, and I was writing a humor column for my school newspaper. Most were about school-specific things, but one was about the weather. ...It's funnier than it sounds, in my opinion, so I'm posting it here. You can find the rest on my old Angelfire site, but I don't recommend it, as it seems to be under Russian control now.

Ice, Ice Baby (yes, that was the title)

Let me tell you a little bit about myself. I was born and raised in Connecticut. I also spent a few years in Rhode Island, but that isn't important right now. Actually, it wasn't important then, either. The whole state hasn't really done much since the war. (The Revolutionary War. They landed a massive force on Nantucket, I think.) The point is that Connecticut weather is nothing new to me. A period of snow followed by a period of hail followed by a period of rain followed by a high in the sixties has been going on since I was a kid. Probably even earlier than that, unless my birth coincided with a massive ecological disaster.

(May 16, 1977, 2:22 pm: A croquet court in Danbury.

"Excellent shot, old bean!"

"Thank you, old chap."

"I say - it's rather hot out again today! Would you like a lemonade?"

"Yes, thank you, I'd OH MY GOD! RUN! RUUUUNNNNN!"

At this point a hurricane materializes above them, sweeps them up, and deposits them in the air over a soft, fetid marsh. On their way down, however, the marsh becomes firm, arable farmland and they are killed on impact.)

Connecticut winters can be mellow some years, but for the most part they are cruel, unforgiving masters. My childhood memories are full of stories of terrible snowstorms. Unfortunately, my adult memories are full of more adult things, like credit card debts and what happened in the last issue of Captain America, so these childhood memories are either lost or have been removed by shadowy government agencies.

I do know that during the blizzard of 1977 my mom had to actually park on another street and walk to my house, primarily because no one has dared to plow my street since those two climbers were killed on its south face. ("It's not a driveway, it's a scream of stone," said my uncle, who lost both thumbs to "Ol' Fingersnatcher.") My mother had to trudge through a foot of snow carrying me in one arm, a bag of groceries in another arm, and my two-year old sister in the third arm, which she had grafted on after I was born for just such an occasion.

As much fun as the winters are in Connecticut, my family reluctantly bid a fond adieu in the summer of 1993 and moved to the Caribbean, where the beginning of winter is marked by an intense heat wave that generally leaves 15% of the population dead or extremely uncomfortable. We spent that Christmas on St. John, watching the egg nog evaporate, but the next year we did exactly what everyone else didn't and flew to Connecticut for the holidays. The minute I stepped off the plane, I felt the bone-chilling embrace of the land that I loved, and I knew then that I wouldn't be happy unless I spent the next four years in constant fear of losing a toe to frostbite.

Why Wesleyan, you might ask? Why not Brown, or Harvard, or another one of those big, interdependent ivy league schools? To tell you the truth, I wanted a bitter, frigid winter that only an urban environment like Middletown could offer me. Small towns like Boston and Providence - sure, they may have more TV shows filmed there, but they certainly don't offer the dangerous driving conditions that a city like Middletown can provide. The state of Alaska (State slogan: "Help us... please!") used to offer both dangerous driving conditions and the filming of TV shows, but "Northern Exposure" was canceled a few years ago and the use of sled dogs in the place of cars has led to fewer traffic accidents, if more maulings.

Earlier this winter, a friend of mine from Alaska restated his annual claim that winters in Connecticut were "wimpy" or "gutless" or something equally negative. He felt that Alaskan winters were superior in length, intensity and overall toll on human life. This morning he was found frozen in his bed, curled in the fetal position with his stiff sheets stuck to his skin, which was a bright shade of cerulean blue. (His death is attributed to the fact that heat rises, and that his window was missing.) His pre-mortem opinions were not unshared; in fact, one out of every two Alaskans harbors a deep resentment towards Connecticut, primarily because Connecticut beats Alaska at everything except killing Alaskans. (Recent Alaskan deaths may affect these figures.)

Basically, Connecticut is incredible. I can't remember what state has the saying "If you don't like the weather ... wait five minutes," but it should be Connecticut. Connecticut needs more sayings. Like:

"If you don't like the weather ... go to Alaska."

Or: "If you don't like the weather ... wait until winter gets here, then you'll be sorry, fool!"

Alaska has some good sayings, too. Their big one is:

"If you don't like getting mauled by a sled dog, well, that's just too bad, isn't it? You shouldn't have moved to Alaska."

ToyFare and Wizard Memories

The Wizard, ToyFare, Anime Insider and Inquest staffs, wearing the spoils of the ToyFare Scavenger Hunt, in 2006.

Even though everyone I know has already written something about the cancellation of the print editions of Wizard and ToyFare magazines (they'll continue online) I felt I had to write something here, since I was there for a good long while. Obviously, I'm sad that some of my few remaining friends there are now unemployed, and I'm also vaguely sad about the slow death of print, but I'm also glad that I made a lot of friends in my time there. I've included links to many of their reactions at the bottom of the page, but I wanted to share some of my memories of the place. (I know it still exists as a company, but it's mostly unrecognizable from what it was, so the hell with it. Also, sorry that my visual history is mostly pictures of me.)

Wizard Office Tour @ Yahoo! Video

A mid-2000s tour of the Wizard offices with Kiel Phegley.

Throughout the 1990s, my brother and I read Wizard regularly, having discovered it at the same time Image Comics took off (WildCATs cover!), and we actually got our Hellboy custom figure featured in their Homemade Heroes section. I had only read a few issues of ToyFare when I interviewed for a copy editor position in the summer of 1999, but I had writing and editing experience, and I'd spent the summer after graduation working for a small novelty company. I started in September 1999, in time for one of the last office scavenger hunts, in which carloads of Wizardites criss-crossed Rockland County, NY, to find a list of random items. The tradition was on its way out, as was the famous Wizard Halloween costume party, but people still dressed up every year for as long as I was there, with varying participation rates. (At left, me as Ash in the cluttered ToyFare office in 2000.)

Hellboy custom figure, made from a Masters of the Universe Fisto. Head sculpted by Ash Oat.

My Halloween costume of Kraven, co-opted for a Wizard Bunny letters-column photo shoot.

In addition to appearing in photo shoots, I also assisted Editor-in-Chief Pat McCallum with them, including Twisted Mego Theatre, later Twisted ToyFare Theatre.  Eventually, it was just me working with our photographer, Paul Schiraldi, then it was just me by myself, which meant I could work into the early morning hours in a dark, creaky warehouse. (A bad habit my lovely girlfriend-now-wife Melissa eventually talked me out of.) Back there, I scared myself on a regular basis, and would regularly check over my shoulder to make sure Pat wasn't sneaking up on me, which happened more often than I liked. He was a notorious prankster, throwing dummies off of roofs and wrapping offices in aluminum foil. (Note the foil-wrapped action figure hanging from the ceiling in the Ash picture. A reminder to never forget.) He and I were also regular cosplayers at Wizard conventions, along with Research Editor Dan Reilly. Pat was Galactus, and Dan and I played Doctor Doom. Dan was the hardest-working man in show business, and he was only recently let go when the print editions ended.

Me and wrestler Mick Foley, at the JAKKS Pacific showroom during Toy Fair. 

Paul Schiraldi also photographed New York Toy Fair for us every year, but eventually Dan, research assistant Dylan Brucie and I were the ones shooting it, once Paul was scaled back to just covers and photo spreads. (To be fair, most of the photography he was doing for us -- head shots, toys on white backdrops, etc. -- was a waste of his prodigious talent.) When I became ToyFare editor, Dylan and later Alex Kropinak took over shooting TTT, with me approving photos, and Krope used his animation skills to make TTT shorts like the one below. (After watching it, find the other four on YouTube. They're all pretty special.)



Over my eight and a half years, I saw a lot of people come and go, and while many left to pursue better opportunities -- my path up the ToyFare ladder was mostly cleared by people quitting, thankfully -- many were fired. The company regularly swelled to seating capacity in times of growth only to contract to its previous size after a year or two. I saw at least two or three purges in my time there, which meant a lot of my friends were let go, although many got out ahead of a purge -- the purge of early 2008 was what prompted me to leave, since a lot of my best friends at the company were gone by that point. A group of us had a tradition of getting together every few months for a Manly Movie marathon, which ran late into the night, but without us all at least working in the same town, it became more difficult to coordinate. (Luckily, there's still a semi-regular lunch in Manhattan.)

 The Wizard gang at the first MMM in 2005. Photo and kitchen by Adam Tracey.

The gang reunited, for lunch in Bryant Park, 2010, with holographic Mel Caylo. Photo by Kropinak.

The magazines weren't what they once were, but it was more than just a page reduction, it was the loss of a lot of these great writers and editors. No offense to those who were, and are, still working there -- my good friend Justin Aclin was still kicking ass on ToyFare, and doing it with fewer people than I had, but now everything's changed. I'm anxious to see how the ToyFare model will change once it hits the Web, and how both Wizard and ToyFare will compete with the numerous sites out there that already do what they do.

Our first (and last) holiday buyer's guide video. After I hawk the toys, Kiel does comics.

My fellow alumni's reactions to the news:

Rob Bricken - Editor of Topless Robot, former editor of Anime Insider, and one of my best friends since 2001.
Doug Goldstein - Robot Chicken writer, former Wizard Specials editor, and my former boss.
Alex Segura, Ben Morse and Mel Caylo (industry round-up) - Former DC/current Archie marketing guru, Marvel.com editor and Archaia marketing guy, respectively. All former Wizard writers/editors.
Mel Caylo (in podcast form) - Still Archaia, still fluffy.
Ryan Penagos - Former Wizard price guide editor, current Marvel.com editor, superstar @Agent_M on Twitter.
Sean T. Collins - Comics journalist, zombie connoisseur and former Wizard editor.
Chris Ward - Former Wizard writer, current loose cannon, future musical superstar, not the rapper.
Poe Ghostal - Longtime ToyFare freelancer.