So it looks like I 'm not going to get to see Crank: High Voltage until next weekend, but I hope it kicks Zac Efron's 17 Again ass at the box office without me. To help it along, I updated our gallery of Stathamisms -- which are like Chuck Norris Facts, except cooler -- with images from the new movie, which also stars Corey Haim, Bai Ling and David Carradine, for some reason. Check it out at MoviesWithoutPity.com!
I haven't seen Fast & Furious yet, but it seems everybody else did, since it made mad bank this weekend. Thanks to this, Vin Diesel and Paul Walker just experienced career do-overs, and Michelle Rodriguez and Jordana Brewster are along for the ride. I run down three-step plans to keep all four of them on top of the game over at MoviesWithoutPity.com -- here's hoping they take my advice.
I'm not a hardcore Dragon Ball fan or anything (although I like it enough to know that I prefer the wacky adventures of the young Goku to the endless combat of Dragon Ball Z), but I know that this movie looks nothing like the Dragon Ball manga I found endlessly entertaining, or the DBZ anime my friend Rob made me watch. Using my limited knowledge and the overheard rantings of my friends, I broke down exactly why anime fans are unhappy with this film over at MoviesWithoutPity.com. Give it a read.
Saw Adventureland on Tuesday. Loved it. It's not at all what I was expecting, but in a good way -- the movie has a real indie vibe, and is more of a dramedy than a true comedy. Mismarketed? Maybe, but that "From the director of Superbad" tag was just so tempting, I'm sure. Hopefully, people won't be disappointed, but rather pleasantly surprised like me. Check out my review at MoviesWithoutPity.com.
Is any sequel really "necessary"? Yes. Some are. In fact, I would say a lot are. But just as many are not. Take the new Vin Diesel movie Fast & Furious, the third (!) sequel to The Fast and the Furious. I haven't seen it yet, but I can promise you that it is as unnecessary as the last two sequels. I ran down ten of the most unnecessary sequels ever made at MoviesWithoutPity.com, and you may be surprised to see what's up there.
Full disclosure: I never saw Twilight, nor have I read the books, but when I saw that the sequel, Adventureland, was coming out this weekend, I was instantly intrigued. Vampires and werewolves working at an amusement park? How rad is that gonna be?! I wrote a short post about it on MoviesWithoutPity.com, and I'm seeing a screening tonight, so I hope I don't need to have seen Twilight to know what's going on. Fingers crossed! 
Have you heard about this new Farrelly Brothers Three Stooges movie? They've apparently got Sean Penn to play Larry, Jim Carrey is in talks to play Curly, and Benicio del frickin' Toro is in the running to play Moe. While all of that casting is spot-on (Carrey will be gaining 40 lbs. for the role), it's also pretty unbelievable. I mean, those are A-list, award-winning actors, my friends! (Sure, Carrey has never won an Oscar, but he should have.) Inspired by this, I cast Oscar-winning actors in movies about the Marx Brothers, Laurel and Hardy and other classic comedy teams -- see who Daniel Day-Lewis would play at MoviesWithoutPity.com!
I really want to see this Monsters vs. Aliens movie this weekend, because it just seems like such a fun, unique take on five or six really old ideas. Hoping to emulate the way Hollywood seems to come up with movies, I took a bunch of plural words and put "Vs." in between them, to come up with five new movie ideas that I think are sure-fire hits. Can you guess which one I'm actually planning on writing a script for? Read them all at MoviesWithoutPity.com and tell me your guess!
I love James Bond movies, but I have to admit -- they're a little ridiculous. Even the last two, with their heavy dose of gritty, Bourne Identity realism, had their share of preposterous moments. So I went out and picked up the new DVD of Quantum of Solace and wrote up a guide to the most unbelievable things that happened in the film, complete with the time stamp for when each item happens. Check it out at MoviesWithoutPity.com!
I have nothing against Julia Roberts, but how does the woman earn the title "America's Sweetheart" when she's constantly playing criminals? In Duplicity, out now, she plays a corporate spy, trying to steal secrets, but this is only the latest in a long line of felonious Roberts characters. I run down the lot over at MoviesWithoutPity.com. Ignore the commenters who seem to think I have nothing better to do with my time than read their remarks and weep gently to myself. Seriously, it's eating into my schedule.
If there was an Oscar given out in the category of Video Game Movies Starring Mark Wahlberg, Max Payne would win hands-down. For a movie that takes place almost entirely at night, is based on a Matrix rip-off and stars Mila Kunis as a Russian assassin, I enjoyed the hell out of it, and I'll tell you why it succeeds in the face of adversity over at MoviesWithoutPity.com. (Warning: Film may contain trace amounts of Chris O'Donnell.)
I know, I know -- everyone and their mothers has reviewed Watchmen. But so many of those people are bitter, jaded monsters! Wouldn't you want to read a review by Zach Oat, fair and balanced journalist? ...I'm kidding, I don't have a balanced bone in my body. If you want to read my review anyway, click below to get the deets at TelevisionWithoutPity.com. Or just read my buddy Sean Collins's, which is probably much better. See? Fair and balanced.
Photographer. Physical Trainer. Coffee entrepreneur. Clay Enos is all of these things, and he put all of his skills to use as the set photographer for Watchmen, shooting portraits of the cast and crew, training Jackie Earle Haley and Malin Akerman and creating a limited run of Nite Owl-themed organic coffee. I talked to the photog about his many skills, and his new book, Watchmen Portraits. Check out the interview at TelevisionWithoutPity.com!
Sometimes, I feel bad for mega-celebrities who have legions of detractors who criticize everything they do online. But then I remember that they're rich, they have the world at their fingerips,and they probably don't spend a lot of time on the Internet. (Although Miley Cyrus keeps posting inappropriate YouTube videos, so what do I know?) Anyway, that made me feel all right about writing a post about how terrible the Jonas Brothers are, and what their 3D movie (which opens this weekend) would have to be about in order to get me into the theater. Read it at MoviesWithoutPity.com!
ALthough I didn't attend this year's Oscars -- and neither did Robert Altman, above, who's dead -- I did get to sit on my couch with my 2.5-month-old daughter Hazel and write about them. Check out my liveblog of the event (with co-blogger Mindy Monez) at TelevisionWithoutPity.com! 
What would happen if Mickey Rourke became an Oscar-winning actor? Would his life change? Would he get better roles? Would he buy more chihuahuas? I decided to run down ten possible ways Rourke's life will improve if he wins an Academy Award on Sunday. Check it out at MoviesWithoutPity.com!
I've been a fan of Watchmen since my brother and I coincidentally gave each other copies of the graphic novel for Christmas 15 years ago. And while DC sells more copies every year, I know that some of you out there have no idea what this movie is about, beyond the fact that there are costumed superheroes, and they're all sad. Over at TelevisionWithoutPity.com, I've created a guide to the world and characters of Watchmen, based on what we know of the movie and what already exists on the page. Check it out, and cross your fingers the movie will be as good as the book...
I was really excited about Inglourious Basterds for a while there, but now that I've seen the trailer, I'm left kinda "eh." The cast seems to lack the pizzazz of Kill Bill and Pulp Fiction. But seeing Eli Roth up there on the screen gave me an idea: What if Tarantino had cast the entire movie using famous directors? See my dream cast at MoviesWithoutPity.com!
So that new Astro Boy movie looks really good! It looks good, anyway. It sounds dodgy, and on paper it looks like the biggest mistake in the history of anything. I may be a little harsh, but man -- why are they doing this? I mean, I want it to succeed... but I don't see how it possibly can. Read my in-depth analysis of the footage shown at New York Comic-Con over at MoviesWithoutPity.com!
"Attention all supernatural killers! This is Leo! You must leave the Bronx!" Despite having horror-loving friends (and wife!), I am not a horror movie buff by any stretch of the imagination. However, I recently became a big fan of Supernatural and The Mentalist, so when I saw that the stars of both shows were going to be in the new Friday the 13th, I knew I had to see it, in all of its gory detail. See what I learned from the new movie at MovieWithoutPity.com.
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